Thursday, September 25, 2008

Omelanku..

Sudah lama aku tidak mengukir kata2 kat sini. Letih? Banyak keje? Entah, banyak faktor sebenarnya. Ada je idea kat dalam fikiran ni sebenarnya.

Kengkawan blogger

Kepada yang membaca blog ini, terima kasih aku dahulukan. Walaupun kadang2 jejak korang tidak meninggalkan kesan, kunjungan korang tetap memberi kepuasan kepada diri ini. Setidak2 nya aku tahu aku masih ade korang dan aku tidak sendirian di sini.

Sekufu

Bercakap tentang sekufu aku tidak tahu sebenarnya apa yang di maksudkan dengan sekufu. Adakah dari keturunan yang sama? Level of education yang sama? Sama2 bergaji 4 atau 5 angka. Kalau nak dikirakan ciri2 yang aku mahukan, aku mahukan yang semuanya perfect. Yang tiada cacat celanya. Rupa? Wang ringgit? Status? Education? Pekerjaan? Tapi siapalah aku untuk menidakkan segala aturan yang telah ditetapkan.

Kenangan

Pernah sekali aku mengenali seseorang yang seharusnya di sini aku terpaksa merahsiakan identitinya. Apa yang ada padanya kukira memenuhi segala kriteria yang aku inginkan. Dia, tiada cacat celanya. Semua orang juga seolah merestui keadaan tersebut. Namun terasa begitu terguris disaat aku mengetahui yang dirinya tiada walau sekelumit perasaan yang aku harapkan. Masa terus berlalu.

Lebih berhati-hati

Hadirnya sudah lama, cuma aku antara sedar atau tidak merasa kengkadang dia ada dan kengkadang tiada. Tidak mahu mengulangi peristiwa luka aku membuat andaian jika sesuatu itu belum nyata jangan menelah. Ya aku berjaya.

Di sini bermula

Seiring usia, fikiran aku juga kukira makin matang. Dulu setiap apa jua keputusanku pasti adalah pengaruh daripada seseorang. Namun kali ini aku bertekad, apa jua yang berlaku aku mahu tempuhi. Ya, dia seorang insan biasa. Yang jika kukhabarkan cerita ini kepada umum aku terpaksa terima segala bantahan, segala macam nasihat yang akan membuatkan keputusanku menjadi tidak lagi teguh.

Salahkah aku jika aku memberikan ruang kepada insan yang mampu bersabar denganku. Insan yang tidak berselindung dalam menunjukkan yang dia perlukan aku. Walaupun pada pendapat umum dia tidak punya apa. Aku juga begitu, beranggapan yang sama suatu ketika dulu. Namun seiring masa berlalu, pandangan aku berubah. Bukan 45 degree malah mungkin 180 degree.

Ketahuilah bahawa aku juga dambakan kehidupan yang senang di masa depan. Sapa yang mahu menempah tiket kesusahan. Sapa yang mahu membina mahligai yang kita sudah tahu tidak dapat bertahan lama. Aku tidak mahu.

Bila difikir dari sudut positif, aku memberi ruang dan peluang untuk aku berkongsi nikmat yang Allah s.w.t berikan. Mungkin jika rezeki ku lebih boleh kukongsi dengannya. Mungkin jugak sebaliknya. Siapa tahu.

Tahu tak? Bukan mudah untuk aku buat keputusan ni. Tapi "ulat dalam cacing pun boleh hidup" inikan kita yang telah diberikan kemudahan dengan bermacam cara.

Mungkin tulisan ini akan ada sambungannya dan mungkin juga tidak. Faktor kerajinan bakal menyumbang 99%. Jika tidak ceritaku sampai di sini sahaja.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

Sempena Hari Raya yang bakal menjelang tiba aku mengambil kesempatan ini untuk memohon sejuta kemaafan. MOga kehidupan mendatang mendapat cahaya keredhaanNya.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI
MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

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